You Know Your Ghetto When....
(Reasons 263 - 403)
264.Your idea of fashion is toes and heels hanging over Payless shoes, loose hair weaves, cellulite thunder thighs under short-shorts with high heels shoes on, bright make-up on dark skin, sandals and summer clothes in the winter and talking 'bout' "it's a draft in here".
265. Your idea of central air is a fan in the hallway.
266. The only entertainment your kids have is singing in front of the window fan.
267. Your grandmother has the highest income in the family.
268. You wear the same suit to church every sunday, but try to play it off by switching ties.
269. You see rats running across the street in your neighborhood.
270. You have sex just to keep your mind off of how hungry you are.
271. You think a Hard Copy is a legitimate source of news.
272. You put water in milk to make it last longer.
273. You bring your own seasonings to the restaurant.
274. You own t-shirts, hats or blank tapes that say 'Kool' or 'Salem'.
275. You still have Netscape internet on an old Commodore 64 (and probably don't know it).
276. You still listen to an 8 track player in your car.
277. You rap on "No Limit Records" or "Cash Money Records"
278. You wear a fur coat while riding a city bus.
279. You get jumped for wearing the "wrong" colors in your neighborhood.
280. You're female and have started a fights with another women because she looked at your man "The Wrong Way".
281. You have messed up/trashed someone else's outfit because it was identical to yours.
282. You think faux furs and leopard print clothing as "good clothes".
283. You believe no woman's wardrobe is complete without spandex and lyrca.
284.You bought matching outfits for you and your daughter. She wore her's to school and got sent home. You wore yours to work and was told to leave because your outfit was too "Inappropriate" or "Distracting".
285.You and your boyfriend were banned from your child's Jr. High dances because the two of you lead every one to believe you were auditioning for a production of "Dirty Dancing".
286. You're ever gotten your hair and nails "Did".
287. You're ever started a fight with someone because you did'nt like the way they looked at you.
288.Youcertainlyghettoif you're ever throwed the following at your man: TV, VCR, toaster, curlingiron, or any other major appliances.
289. Some how you grew 12 inches of hair in 2 hours.....?
290. You carry a baby on each hip.
291. Not only are you slow but ignorant if you are over 5-years-old and still suck on your thumb.
292. You can't seem to see life beyond the ghetto.
293. You and your mother are pregnant by the same man.
294. You go to your "Baby-Daddy's" job for money to buy milk and diapers.
295. "Baby-Mama" or "Baby-Daddy" is what you call your child's mother or father.
296. Your criminal record is as longer than the U.S. Constitution.
297. You make your living by stealing cars/robbing homes/robbing banks/or selling drugs.
298. Your hooked on crack.
299. All your kids have different fathers.
300. You wear plain white t-shirts down to your knees.
301. Every "Baby-Daddy" you have is in jail.
302. You rob the neighbors house.
303. You own a copy of "Menace 2 Society" with the numbers running at the bottom.
304. You don't freeze your flavored ices, you just drink them on those hot summer days.
305. Your fingernails on one hand are 2 inches longer than the ones on the other hand.
306. You buy your girlfriend flowers at 7-Eleven.
307. Your hair tracks melt in the sun.
308. You have at *least* 4 children out of wedlock.
309. Not only are you ghetto, but dumb if your baby brother passes you up in school.
310. You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
311. You buy clothes for a party and then return them back to the store the next day.
312. You return gifts for money.
313. Your kids have to be in the house before the streetlights come on.
314. Your mama whipped you and your friends.
315. You mix grease and water to make your hair curly.
316. You grandmother is less than 39 years-old.
317. You speak loud over the phone because it's long distance.
318. You have trouble spelling your children's names and you named them.
319. You believe eating oatmeal "sticks to yo ribs on a cold day".
320. You think coffee will make you turn jet black.
321. You drive around on a flat tire months after it happend.
322. There's a crack across the windshield and you never bother to get it fixed.
323. Your always eating at other people's houses, but never bring anything.
324. You wear a watch knowing it does'nt work.
325. You send your children out to pick their own switch.
326. You're 16 and suck a pacifier.
327. You have all of Kenny G's CDs but non of Gerald Albright's.
328.You sing these ghetto wedding songs: "Always and Forever", "I Will Always Love You", "Wind Beneath My Wings", "Here and Now", "Ribbon In The Sky", and "For Always".
329.It's not a party unless you play these ghetto music groups: The Silvers, The Brothers Johnson, Ready for the World and Commodores Fifth Dimension or anything with hard core rap music.
330.You watch these old ghetto TV shows: Sanford And Son, The Jeffersons, Good Times, In Living Color, Martin, and Living Single.
331. The closest you're ever been to nature is that plant growing your window ledge.
332. Your driving and stop at a red light and tell the driver next to you to turn up his music.
333. You have a weight bench in your backyard.
334. You park cars on the front lawn.
335. You always have a "STANK" attitude.
336. Fried bologna was given to you as a treat.
337. You refer to your ulgy, funny shaped fat butt as a "Ghetto Booty".
338. You feel a need to comment on everything and never mind your own buisness.
339. Your dog is more than 4 breeds.
340. You have an aquarium with no fish.
341. You always have a tooth pick in your mouth.
342. 4 people in your house have to share the same bed.
343. You only go to church to meet women/men.
344. Out-Of-Towners are terrified to come to your neighborhood.
346. You not open-minded and only get along with other ghetto folk.
347. Your 2 year-old knows how to do the electric slide.
348. You think going to prison is "Keeping It Real".
349. You yell "Pookie" in your house and 5 people turn around.
350. Your kids are 35 years-old and still live at home.
351. You do people's hair on the front porch.
352. You dance to your cell phone ringtones.
353. You hold a large boombox up to your ear.
354. Your kitchen cabinets are stocked Spam, Vienna sausages and cans of baked beans.
355. You see old men wearing underwear sitting on the porch in your neighborhood.
356. You're proud of your jheri curl.
357. You chew ice.
358. You recognize your 'Hommies' on America's Most Wanted.
359. Your 19 and just met your father.
360. You pick your shaving bumps in public.
361. Your getting paid, but your bills aren't.
362. You have graffiti in your apartment.
363. You use food stamps at the chinese restaurant.
364. You have phone numbers to 4 prisons on speed dial.
365. There's a metal detector at your kid's Jr. high school.
366. Your woman has more hair on her legs than on your chest.
367. Your mama puts the Lord's name in everything.
368. You have more than one social security number.
369. There is a picture of a black Jesus in your living room.
370. You go grocery shopping at 7-Eleven.
371. You can hear the heater, but can't feel the heat.
372. If you're ever gotten phone service, electricity or cable in a dead relative's name.
373. You carry around a cell phone knowing it does'nt work.
374. You can't clean your butt because your nails are so long.
375. Any of these are your favorite car: Gremlin, Hornet, Pacer, Pinto or Lincoln.
376. You own a pair of these shoes: Fila, Starter, Champion, or L.A. Gear.
377. You eat food in the grocery store before you paid for it.
378. You move out of town to work a minimum wage job.
379. You changed your first name because you said it was the white man's, but kept your last name - your real slave name.
380. Your TV makes everybody look tall, green and skinny.
381. You have 2 TVs in the front room - the big screen does'nt work so you put a little 19 inch black and white TV on top of it.
382. You wash dishes and clean the tub with the same towel.
383. Your fat but don't like dating other fat people.
384. You have more roaches than family members.
385. You go to other people's barbecue parties and lie about knowing the people just so you can get a free plate of food.
386. You still use a hot comb to press out your hair.
387. You still play an Atari.
388. You own and wear ANY hair beads.
389. You use bed sheets as curtains.
390. You have brown spots on the wall from killing roaches.
391. You skip paying the rent to buy new sneakers.
392. More than 5 people owe you child support.
393. You walk down the street eating fried chicken with a robe and bedroom slippers on.
394. You got your pager at the corner store and a week later the place was closed down.
395. You claim other people's kids on your income tax.
396. You know you're ghetto when you go to an all-you can-eat buffet and try to sneak a piece of fried chicken out in your purse.
397. You send your kids and your neighbor's kids with a $1 food to the corner store to buy a pack of Kool-Aid.
398. You always thought "red" was a Kool-Aid flavor.
399. Your grandmother raised you because your mother was in jail or was just too young.
400. You think the front porch is a second living room.
401. You comb your hair with a fork.
402. You have to safety-pin your shirt were your button fell off.
403. You get that fat as a block of "cheese" delivered to your house.
