1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??
9. Two hands and just one mouth...
10. "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
11. When you can focus better with one eye closed. 12. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
13. Every person you see has an exact twin.
14. You're conducting an experiment to see how many miles a V6 engine can of beer.
15. When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool
16. You fall off the floor...
17. Discover in morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared
18. Your twin sons are named Jack and Daniel.
19. Had "your name" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
20. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
21. Beer: It's what's for Dinner.
22. The glass keeps missing your mouth!
23. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you
24. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
25. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 26. You think your only drinking problem is not having a drink right now.
27. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
28. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
29. When vomiting becomes a relief.
30. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall.
31. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, and you fell asleep clothed.
32. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
33. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass
34. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
35. Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
36. That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
37. I'm not drunk... you're just sober...
38. Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem
39. If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories
40. Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
41. The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey..... let's go get some more!
42. Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.