Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only)
Ask the person next to you, "Are you in the Witness Protection program too?"

Bring a cellular phone. Call God. Say, "The reception is much clearer up here...."

Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra

Bring your computer keyboard without a monitor. Place it on your lap. Stare into the palm of your hand. Wait. Push the return key a few times. Yell out "Yes! Alright! I told them I didn't need a laptop!" Plug the headphones into your nostril and play Doom.

Call the stewardess "nurse".

Continually offer to share your "Beano".


Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.

Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you

Disco dance in the aisle

Don't use deoderant, then "accidently" stick your armpit in someone's face

During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone

Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didn't come out, 'cause they aren't really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die

Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it
Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar

Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed.

Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling "We're out of toilet paper! Stewardess!"

Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldn't mind applying Preporation H to your hemrrhoids.

If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off.

Jump up and scream "AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!"

Lead a revolt against the first class passengers.

Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends
Moon passing Delta planes.

No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni.

Pick your nose and pat the person next to you.

Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes.

Remark that perhaps you shouldn't have put superglue in your undies that morning.

Say, "Did you know every time a plane crashes, an angel gets its wings?" Then sigh and stare dreamily into the clouds.

Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger.

Show off your Batman underwear.
Sing along with the songs on your Walkman.

Snap Polaroids of him or her. Pull out an empty photo album and arrange the pictures inside it. Tuck the album under your jacket and say, "You know, in some cultures they believe that when you take a person's photograph...you own their soul...," while smiling maniacally.

Sneeze, using somebody's sleeve instead of your hand to cover it
Snort when you laugh
Speak in Spelling Bee-eese: "Hello. H-e-l-l-o. Hello. Nice weather we're having isn't it? Weather. W-e-a-t-h-e-r. Weather."

Spill soda "Accidentally" on the person next to you.

"This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because, this is the song that never ends...." Suddenly realize that you can never stop singing. Become very panicky. Scrawl "Help me" on a piece of paper and hand it to the person sitting next to you. Claw at your throat and thrash around in the seat. Never stop singing.

Tell corny jokes and laugh like it's absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same 46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices

Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon

Tell your fellow passenger that you just heard the bathrooms were out-of-order. Then pause and say, "Did you know that peanuts are a natural diuretic?" Smile.

When they ask something, pretend that you don't know and you have to go ask someone else. Repeat wtih every question. (ie., "How are you today?" "How can I help you," "what would you like to order")

When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud.
Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show.

With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say "Nevermind. Do you have any towels?"

With a fellow passenger, Re-enact the disco scene in "Airplane!"

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